I am patriotic. Inspite of what the title might indicate, I madly love India. With the good stuff and the acceptable bad stuff. However, some of the bad stuff is not acceptable anymore. I feel pride at India Gate, I can eat more pani-puris than anyone, and I cried when India won the World Cup (finally!).
I still hate coming back here.
India guys know they are special the minute they are born. They are treated differently because the society demands it. My brother and I always had different curfews as kids. Even today at age 27, I can't leave home without my brother as an escort and he knows this. It is completely unheard of for an Indian girl to openly smoke a cigarette or buy booze. We always need to ask guys to help us for these simple pleasures. Just like every any male who gets treated like God, my brother assumes that this gives him some kind of power over me. The other day we had a fight in which he told me, "Stay in your place". This is not some "labor-class" uneducated person that we as a country love to blame for all crimes in the city. This is a guy that had the same education as me but believes that he is superior to me because I need him to drive me to buy a recharge-card. And whether we like to admit it or not, this is the pervasive attitude in this male-freaking-dominated society.
Sexual harassment is so common in India that we don't even know it is happening. From the auto-driver adjusting his mirror to stare at you, to the shop-keeper slimily touching your hands while returning the change, it’s a part of life. (By age 20, I noticed that I automatically put the money down on the counter every time). I don't think I have ever walked on a street without constantly expecting someone's hand to brush my ass. Each time that I visit home, I have a set of "India-clothes" that I have to wear. The clothes can't be above my shins, well-fitted or basically flattering in any way. The whole point is to not draw attention. The first time I visited home from the U.S., all-female empowered, I fought with my dad about his. He replied, "Is it too much to ask that my daughter is safe?" Every Indian girl is taught that preventing misconduct is somehow her responsibility. If we don't "ask for it", we don't get shit. I remember when I was 16, some creep in the building wrote some lewd comments about me all over the walls. I wasn't bothered or upset when I read it. By age 16, we are immune to sexual harassment. The only impact that it had on my life that was that my freedom was restricted. That asshole wrote something about how he sees me buying bread at the grocery store 100 feet away from our apartments, and my bread-buying privileges were revoked. When I was 15, a guy in my class always touched girls inappropriately. I confronted him threatening to complain but deep down I knew that the teacher would blame that my school uniform (which was fashionably just above my knee) was too short. A yoga instructor molested me in a class of 50 people just because he knew he had the same immunity. He was right. I didn't complain because I knew that the only thing that would change is that I wouldn't be allowed to go to such classes in the future. I don't blame my parents or my teacher, I know they were just afraid for my safety, but I also refuse to accept this as normal behavior.
Where I live right now is the most sexually frustrated pocket of India (Haryana), so things are a little extreme and most Indians won't agree with the restrictions. But even living in a metropolitan city, we CONSTANTLY face the same discrimination, probably in subtler forms. I remember that my friend once got into a minor accident, and the cops' entire demeanor changed when they saw that I was wearing shorts. He kept focusing on the "type" of girl I was ( I wasn't even driving) and such "type" of girls always get into trouble. I was being punished for wearing shorts! This just one of a zillion examples where it is routine to treat a girl like shit based on “morality”. And all the so-called "moral police" are the most sexually frustrated of the bunch.
The only reason that today the whole country is in an uproar about the girl who got gang-raped is because she followed all the rules and it didn't work. She was returning from a movie and not from a club, she was accompanied by a male friend, and the media probably couldn't find fault in the clothes that she was wearing. If the same girl was returning home drunk alone wearing a skirt, SHE would be the one to blame.
So yep, as much as I love India, I won't deny that I am happy to leave.
P.S. I realized like it sounds like a rant against my parents. I am having an amazing time with my loving parents who treat me like a princess on my visits here. I just am ready to be treated as a human by society in general.
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